(no subject)
Jun. 27th, 2015 11:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
He loses track of time again.
The room is well lit, loud beyond the door and bustling with activity when doctors or nurses enter, but Aramis drifts. In that damnable basement, his only knowledge of passing minutes was the degree of his own thirst, and here in his bed, he can only count the continued ease of his breaths, and the pass of familiar calloused fingers over his own knuckles where his hands lie in the sheets.
There is some sort of brace on one of his wrists. Aramis has not yet recovered the nerve to ask if his hand can still pull a trigger, even if he could speak without effort. His head is too heavy to turn away from the sight, and Aramis shifts his eyes, fighting sleep to discern the new shape in the door.
He hopes it belongs to someone without a clipboard.
[open post if the spirit moves you]
The room is well lit, loud beyond the door and bustling with activity when doctors or nurses enter, but Aramis drifts. In that damnable basement, his only knowledge of passing minutes was the degree of his own thirst, and here in his bed, he can only count the continued ease of his breaths, and the pass of familiar calloused fingers over his own knuckles where his hands lie in the sheets.
There is some sort of brace on one of his wrists. Aramis has not yet recovered the nerve to ask if his hand can still pull a trigger, even if he could speak without effort. His head is too heavy to turn away from the sight, and Aramis shifts his eyes, fighting sleep to discern the new shape in the door.
He hopes it belongs to someone without a clipboard.
[open post if the spirit moves you]
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 03:28 am (UTC)Aramis opens his eyes. "I want to deserve you, but I don't know how to live with that."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 02:48 pm (UTC)His soul feels tarnished with it, and Aramis doesn't know what to do, whole body trembling with an ache that goes deeper than bone. "It simply hurts."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 03:49 pm (UTC)Now that he has the full weight of those sins on his shoulders, Aramis must go again. Perhaps, then, they will finally be exorcised from his heart. Or perhaps seeing a priest will only feel odd now that Aramis knows his fate. "I must tell you something more," he says, barely audible.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 04:12 pm (UTC)"You can't," is all he gets out, choked. "Why?"
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 04:21 pm (UTC)He breathes in and out, slow and deep to calm the way his heart races and rattles the words from his throat. "I do not think that Aramis knows, but I do. He left for God, yes, but also because he failed you all, and he could not bear it."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 04:26 pm (UTC)"I don't give a damn," Porthos says sharply. "You fail us, by leaving us it's just cowardly," he shouts, voice growing louder. "If you really wanted to repent your sins, you should have stayed and fought."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 04:47 pm (UTC)"He's still tachycardic," she snaps at Porthos over her shoulder, pushing something into Aramis' IV that makes the vice around his chest loosen, his shoulders slackening against the sheets. "If you want to finish him off, by all means, keep shouting."
"Please," Aramis murmurs, trying to find her face in his muddled vision. The only thing more frightening than causing Porthos more pain is the thought that she will make him leave. "Husband. Let him stay."
The beeping of his machine has slowed to something sedate, and Aramis must look better, for the nurse gives him a short nod. "Anymore and you're out," she tells Porthos, pointing a finger at him.
In any other situation, Aramis would quite like her.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 04:51 pm (UTC)He honestly doesn't know what to do anymore and he wants for Athos, who always seems to know what to do in these situations. "Stop thinking of ways to leave us," he finally mumbles past his hands, still unable to properly look at Aramis.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 04:56 pm (UTC)It is a strange thing, both to feel the heartbreak of the Aramis at home, and to feel his own present heart break for him, knowing what he denies himself in taking up the cross. That Aramis feels lost, reaching desperately for the one thing he knows will still have him, and in his bed Aramis hopes that other Aramis finds comfort in serving God.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs again, aching for Porthos when his eyes finally focus on him. "I love you."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 05:03 pm (UTC)"And I'm not letting you go. You made vows to me," he points out. "God knows you're taken, here."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 05:10 pm (UTC)Porthos looks as wrecked as Aramis feels, and Aramis tugs feebly at his hands. "Come into the bed," he pleads. He needs to feel Porthos with him. "I have spent too many hours of late apart from you."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-28 05:17 pm (UTC)"Athos kept saying I needed to, for my health, but without you there, I couldn't," he confesses.
no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:11 am (UTC)"I would not have been able to manage sleep, either, cariño. Perhaps we can summon a cot, as I did when it was you in this bed."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:54 am (UTC)"I am still damnably weak. A day, surely. Perhaps more."
no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-06-29 02:23 am (UTC)They had hurt him with something first, a pain that seemed to go bone deep in one of his legs, then pricked him again, and with that second one came the feeling of floating towards the city rather than speeding towards it. It is the last real memory Aramis has of the journey.
"It was not very kind of them to worry you."
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: